Alfie's Calm Plan

• Stopping an activity he enjoys
• Busy noisy places
• Being rushed in the mornings
• Unexpected changes to plans

• Goes quiet and stops answering
• Covers his ears
• Jaw tightens
• Starts pacing or repeating phrases

• Watch for Alfie's own early signs — goes quiet and stops answering, covers his ears and jaw tightens. These are the moment to step in, not the moment to reason.
• Plan ahead around known triggers such as stopping an activity he enjoys, busy noisy places and being rushed in the mornings — preparation prevents far more than any response can.
• At this age children can start to name feelings, but only once calm. In the moment, keep instructions to one short sentence and let your calm lead.
• Reduce demands as soon as early signs appear — now is not the time for instructions or questions.
• Move quietly to a lower-stimulation space if possible, or reduce noise and light where you are.
• Signal safety with your body: get low, stay side-on, keep your face soft.
• Reach first for what already works for Alfie: a quiet space with low light, his dinosaur teddy and deep pressure hugs when he asks.
• Around changes, give countdowns and use 'first… then…' so what's coming next is never a surprise.
• Use the adult tone that works best for Alfie: Presence over words. Sit nearby, keep language minimal, use gestures and visuals.

• "You're safe. I'm here." (then fewer words — presence over talking)
• "We can just sit. Nothing to do right now."
• Afterwards: "That was a big feeling. You got through it. I'm proud of you."
• "Your feeling is okay. I'll help you. Then we'll sort it out together."
• A nod, a thumbs up, or one word: "Here." Then quiet company.
• "Shall we try a quiet space with low light?" — offering a known helper is often better than asking what's wrong.

• Avoid lots of questions — you've told us this makes things harder for Alfie.
• Avoid raised voices — you've told us this makes things harder for Alfie.
• Avoid being touched without warning — you've told us this makes things harder for Alfie.
• Avoid being told to 'calm down' — you've told us this makes things harder for Alfie.
• Share this avoid-list with every adult around the child, including school and family.
• Don't ask lots of questions or give instructions during the peak of a big feeling — words can add pressure.
• Don't punish or shame the feeling itself. Hold boundaries on behaviour gently, later, when everyone is calm.
• Don't insist on eye contact or 'say sorry' in the moment — repair works better once regulated.
• Don't rush recovery. Bodies need time to come back down; going back to demands too quickly can restart the wave.
• Don't take words said in the storm personally — they come from a stressed nervous system, not the child's heart.

• Create a small calm corner with cushions, soft light and a comfort item. It's a place to feel better — never a punishment.
• Slow breathing: in through the nose for 4, out slowly for 6. Practise when calm so it's ready when needed.
• Deep, even pressure can feel like a steady hug. Offer (never force) the weighted blanket during wind-down times.
• Quiet presence is powerful. Sit nearby, keep your voice low and slow, and let your calm do the talking.
• Keep doing what already helps — a quiet space with low light, his dinosaur teddy, deep pressure hugs when he asks and an adult sitting quietly nearby. Build these into ordinary days, not just difficult ones.
• Practise these when Alfie is calm. Skills rehearsed in easy moments are the only ones available in hard ones.

• A feelings thermometer or 5-point scale the child can point to.
• A 'first… then…' board for tricky transitions.
• A break card the child can hand to an adult when things feel too much.
• A 'my triggers' card naming stopping an activity he enjoys and busy noisy places so other adults know what to look out for.
• A 'what helps me' card listing a quiet space with low light, his dinosaur teddy and deep pressure hugs when he asks, kept where adults can see it.

• Set up a calm spot at home that Alfie helps to choose.
• Have a short daily check-in using a feelings scale or faces chart after school.
• Practise one calming tool for two minutes a day when everyone is calm.
• Keep after-school demands low for the first half hour — snack, drink and quiet first.
• Keep a shared family script so every adult responds to Alfie in the same warm, predictable way.
• Agree with everyone at home to steer clear of lots of questions and raised voices.

• Share this plan with Alfie's class teacher and SENCO so home and school use the same approach.
• Agree a break card or a simple hand signal the child can use in class.
• Ask for a named safe adult and a quiet place they can use without asking in front of others.
• Ask for advance warning of changes: supply teachers, trips, fire drills, seating changes.
• Arrange a short half-termly check-in between home and school to review what's working.
• Tell staff exactly what to look for: goes quiet and stops answering, covers his ears and jaw tightens — these come before things escalate.
• Because difficulties happen most around transitions, ask for a specific written arrangement for those moments rather than a general note.

• 1. Safety first — move dangerous objects or other people away, rather than the child where possible.
• 2. Reduce everything: noise, lights, language, audience. One calm adult leads.
• 3. Say one safe phrase, then go quiet: "You're safe. I'm here."
• 4. Wait. The wave will pass. Stay low, side-on, and slow your own body down.
• 5. Avoid lots of questions at this point — it reliably makes things bigger for Alfie.
• 6. As the wave passes, offer a quiet space with low light and his dinosaur teddy, plus water or a snack — no debrief yet.
• 7. Much later, when fully calm, gently reconnect and repair together.
• If you ever have urgent safety, medical or safeguarding concerns, contact your GP, your school's SENCO or emergency services.

Your goal for Alfie: for Alfie to start using his break card at school and recover from big feelings more quickly with support. This week, take one step towards it. Start small: use a quiet space with low light once a day, at a calm moment, so it's familiar when it's needed. Spot and note one early warning sign each day — the earlier the wave is noticed, the gentler it lands.

Longer-term goal: For Alfie to start using his break card at school and recover from big feelings more quickly with support.